Tears on my yoga mat..
Two years before I became a yoga teacher, I wrote about this amazing experience in a yoga class. Through the years, I've tried to foster this type of brave space for my students to find a similar connection. We deserve a space to feel empowered and brave in our bodies!
Tears on my yoga mat.
Written March 2015
As I entered the room, it was dark, calm, peaceful and there were just a handful of us. We started the practice and it was a flow sequence and I could feel myself detaching from the practice and moving into observing my body. I could see the roundness of my bottom, the roll on my stomach that I try to cover... I could see everything that I've struggled with. And yet, there was no hate or disgust. There was awareness and some appreciation. There was a calm inside me and I could feel what my body was experiencing in my heart. As I had to adjust the poses to fit my body, I realized I was doing THAT - and not pushing my body to fit the pose. I am unable to move the way the other women do. I struggle to "melt" the way the other women do. But my heart, and my mind, were melting with love for who I've become.
I experienced more on that yoga mat tonight than I have in a long time. In our final pose when we were laying there practicing "swing breathe" as she called it, the tears rolled from my eyes to the mat. I was breathing in and out and the tears were involuntary. They streamed silently onto the yoga mat as I felt tension in so many parts of me. I knew in that moment that I had to let it all go. I have to move BEYOND what I think I'm capable of and INTO what I am TRULY capable of. I felt tonight, on that yoga mat, that I am ready for what comes in all areas of my life. Once upon a time I would not have gone back to another class - but tonight, with anticipation, I know it's coming again in a week and I'm excited. I am looking forward to moving my body with ease and not be crippled with DIS-ease. I am excited for what's to come - as a whole. Learning who I am, becoming who I am meant to be. Those tears on my yoga mat were not for nothing. They have give me strength and peace tonight and going forward.
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-Julie Sweeney, RSSW, Yoga Instructor
